... ;.;

[jenioctavia]

This room is barely lit, the sun is sinking behind a thicket of heavy rain soaked clouds, and all I can hear is this random 'beep beep beep', the suction of various machines, people talking, and Mom struggling to breathe normally. And of course there's the tiptiptip noises of me typing on Mike's laptop.

We're in the final stretch, and everything's took a plummet down hill. They're at the point where the doctors really can't do any more save for attempting desperately to make her comfortable. Mike and I have already started talking about funeral arrangements, and all I can use to describe how I feel is...

numb

completely.

absoulutely.

unexplicibly numb.

Now Mike's the emotional one and I'm just left staring in to space wondering...why. Why any of this? Why the pain, the suffering...why the fuck did some screwed up in the head deity decide that THIS was the way to make me stronger? Its not. Its breaking me inside and I can't even find the basic human emotions to express it.

What more can I say...

nothing...

cause that's all I have left..

Comments

[beatific.livejournal.com]

I know it doesn't help at all, but I love you Jeni, Hang in there. <3 like the person above me said, what you're feeling is so very reasonable. <3

Rissy