... ;.;

[jenioctavia]

This room is barely lit, the sun is sinking behind a thicket of heavy rain soaked clouds, and all I can hear is this random 'beep beep beep', the suction of various machines, people talking, and Mom struggling to breathe normally. And of course there's the tiptiptip noises of me typing on Mike's laptop.

We're in the final stretch, and everything's took a plummet down hill. They're at the point where the doctors really can't do any more save for attempting desperately to make her comfortable. Mike and I have already started talking about funeral arrangements, and all I can use to describe how I feel is...

numb

completely.

absoulutely.

unexplicibly numb.

Now Mike's the emotional one and I'm just left staring in to space wondering...why. Why any of this? Why the pain, the suffering...why the fuck did some screwed up in the head deity decide that THIS was the way to make me stronger? Its not. Its breaking me inside and I can't even find the basic human emotions to express it.

What more can I say...

nothing...

cause that's all I have left..

Comments

[calisasilvertai.livejournal.com]

What you're feeling is certainly understandable, Hon. *HUGS*

[beatific.livejournal.com]

I know it doesn't help at all, but I love you Jeni, Hang in there. <3 like the person above me said, what you're feeling is so very reasonable. <3

Rissy

[serena-snape.livejournal.com]

To say a reassuring word
would sound so hollow now.
You want a peacefull soul
someone to hold on to.
left alone in a nightmare of pain
that cut so deep it numbs.
the body slips into shock
and you can't feel anything.
To reassure the tortured soul
to help you through your pain
to bring you into a new place
where you can feel warmth again.
Seems so hollow now.
I cant even comprehend the pain you feel.
so to my god, and to your goddess
i whisper a tearful prayer.
for the comfort for your tortured soul
and for help to your Mom.
Sweet Jeni, Friend everlasting,
try to get some sleep.
and leave the mind numbing pain for tomorrow
and dream in silent slumber
may your dreams be sweet and soothing
Goddess, Sweet Goddess, Help my friend i beg.
give her but one night of soothing dreams
to ease her weary head.
to awake tomorrow, pain shall still exist.
the world shall still hurt
but sweet goddess i beg you
grant Jeni but one peaceful night less pain.
I do not speak in verse
to make a cute poem.
but in the hopes that by speaking as such
i can focus on the verse, and not the pain.
Sweet Jeni, tears stream down my face
as i see the pain you endure.
and i beg all of the gods, and all of the Goddesses
who's names we remember, and those we do not
that for but one, single night, you would dream, warm, loving dreams, to ease your piercing, numbing pain.

[demorath.livejournal.com]

There isn't much i can say, excpet for this. All of your friends are there for support, no matter how much or how hard you pus hthem away, they know that it's only a defence rather than YOU actually pushing them away. If it takes me all of my energy and soul then i will just to make you as happy as I can. I just hope you can keep strong...we'll all be here for you.