It's the most wonderful time of the year...

[jenioctavia]

Or not.

Seems this year has done spectacularly to crank out the stress for everyone. I can safely say I don't think I've been this on edge for such an extended period of time before in my life. Sort of my fault for stupidly picking up two studio classes at once, though.

And I know I'm not the only one feeling this.

I always get depressed during the holidays. It's a difficult time for me, remembering people that are gone now. It's still physically painful to know that I can't enjoy unwrapping presents and putting up all those old decorations with her, and our last Christmas together, small as it was, is still in my mind.

I think that was the last time I smile and mean it. And that's a really terrible thing to realize...

I would be lying if I said I'm not struggling right now. But a part of me wants to think I'm struggling less because I have my extended family.

I know everything isn't wonderful shiny right now between everyone, and I know it may never be again between some people, but I still love my family no matter what's going on.

In a little over a month I'll be turning 26. It'll be a new year, full of new chances, so right now I can only hope that the passing of time will begin to heal wounds both new and old.

I love you guys.

Comments

[calisasilvertai.livejournal.com]

We love you too, sweetie!

A lot of people find this time of year stressful. I wanted to cry last year, when we got snowed in, and I couldn't send the presents I'd worked so hard to make, out to our family that we can't afford to go visit on the holidays, and then we ran out of money by the time the snow melted off a bit, so I still couldn't send them. *sigh* And this year... Yule/Christmas have barely even entered my brain, with our move to a new place and all. And we can't afford to send anything until after payday. And I know it will all be late and last minute, and I try not to think about that, because I know everyone will understand, with the circumstances. Letting family, of all kinds, know that they matter to me, that's the point, anyway. And I'll stop babbling now.

It definitely is a time of year that we miss those we love that we have lost. And I can't imagine what a close, personal loss you must feel. But I have had my share, even if they compare or not, they do add up sometimes. I try to remember that this is the season of renewal, rebirth of the sun and of hope, a time to celebrate life, and all of those sharing it with us now. Sometimes it helps, and I hope it can help you, too. All hail the newborn Sun! :) *hugs*

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

I'm so broke I can't do anything for Christmas because, lawl, college student has no money, and now two of my friends are fighting... I don't know, I've been trying not to start bawling all night. And even when I got happy new (post above) I just wanted to cry MORE.

[calisasilvertai.livejournal.com]

*huggles* You could do what I did last year, and give gift certificates for your talent. (In my case, sewing/crafting, in your case, art!) Oh, and now that I see your good news, congrats, Hon! I'm sure you deserve it, and I'm glad that your instructor recognizes it. I hope you can to, at some point. :)

[digi-dragon.livejournal.com]

I...can't leave a big, long tl;dr post, but Jeni: Love to you too.

I haven't said that enough lately. At all. To anyone. I just thought I needed to say that to you especially right now. And I'm sorry for not saying it a lot sooner.

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

It's good to hear it. Better late than never, hun. Thank you.

[alanddizzy.livejournal.com]

Police Navy Dance.

Thank you for your perspective last night, as you have been so often you are helpful, and a deeply cherished friend who I hope dearly I can return the favor for someday.

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

I love you too, Sissy ...

No matter what life throws at us, even in such a short time, you really have become my big sister. I consider you and mom like my biological family, and I'm really glad that I've met you guys and had such amazing times with you thus far, and look forward to more amazing times in the future.