~.~;

Doing a sort of backtrack post here in the limited time I have, seeing as I'm at school right now.

Standing out at the busstop today (I use that term loosely. Its a firehyrdrant and three poles. e.e; ), after downing a stupid Sobe No Fear because I was just that damned tired (paying for it now. I'm going to be SO fidgety in class), Peggy, Carol's mother in law and my totally awesome neighbor, sees me and pulls over, offering me a ride. As it was hot as hell and my feet were hurting from waiting for the bus, I agreed.

So, that was a cool thing to kinda perk up my day a bit.

Especially after last night...

Mike calls, mind you having not spoken to me for over a week since our last argument at the bus transit center in OC. We talk for a bit and he seems to not be as pissy with me as he usually was, telling me that I can activate the debit card now, ect, ect. Usual buisness stuff. Then it happens yet again. He starts bitching at me, telling me I'm being lazy again and even going as far as to tell me that school isn't important. That sets me over the edge. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am sick and fucking tired of being degraded by the man I've looked up to since I was a child.

So I yell at him "FINE. I'LL FUCKING JOB HUNT ON FRIDAY. And I'll blame you if I PASS OUT FROM HEAT EXAUSTION." and hang up. At this point I've lost any grip on sanity I have left. I break down in to sobs, grabbing the picture of the three of us at Thanksgiving last year and clutch it to my chest, sobbing so hard I can't even hear my music, nearly hyperventaliating from it. At some point durring this break down, in which I've stopped all typing with any IMs or Furc windows, I some how find my razor in the mess of crap on my desk. Yeah, I cut again. I'm not proud of it in the least. Small cuts, looks more like scratches, but they bled none the less.

Eventually I calm down and tell Casey that I need to go clean up. I attempted to lie when he asked me what happened, which doesn't fly needless to say. Fustraited, he gives me a lecture and about half way through it I realize that I really do need help.

Friends are great, and everyone's been there for me more then enough in the past few months. But obviously I'm just not dealing with this. Atleast not in a healthy way. Of course the problem stands that I have no health insurance nor do I have the money. So until I figure out some other means of getting therapy, I'm just going to have to do everything in my power not to do that again. Casey was clearly upset with me last night. -_-; But I deserved it, so...yeah.

I feel a bit better today, though inexplicably lethargic despite my near overdose on energy drink. Seriously...I'm suprised those things don't kill me. o.e; I guess so long as I'm alive, awake, and able to go to class I'll be alright.

Speaking of which. FInals next week. *SCREAMS* slgbsdgsdkjb FINALSAREEVIL. ._.

And my Mp3 player isn't working.

...this year offically sucks.