I can hear you in a whisper but you can't even hear me screaming...

"I really really fucking hate you..."
Its amazing how easily one will demand the truth out of any given situation, and yet just as easily forget how much that truth may wind up stinging...
After a while of brooding over these words, and the fact that I had lashed back out at her, I finally gave in and went for a very long walk.
It was in the park, sitting up on the big slide in the dark, alone with my Evanescence MP3 CD playing loud in the ears, that I realized I still loved her. Or atleast had feelings for her.
I had already told her how her words basically demeaned my entire existence to her, belittled any feelings I had ever had, and made me feel worthless. But it wasn't until that moment in the park that I realized those feelings were still, and always had been, under the surface. Why had I rebounded so quickly then when she ended it? Because, one, I just do that, two, the oprotunity was there. Stupid reasons all the same...
But that never meant I stopped loving her. Even after she started becoming some one completely different...
I love Garrett...but a huge part of my heart was still attatched to her, even when I claimed I had let go...
So now I feel worthless...and guilty for the things I said...but confused because I know what Matt has told me to be true...
So how is it that some one who could so easily toy with my emotions and then break them completely have my heart like this? And...am I going to be able to get over it this time?
I really don't know...

Don't leave me here...by myself...I can't breathe...