Feeehhh...where to start...

Where to start indeed...

Everything's so in the air right now, I'm trying so hard not to look at it because I know that when it comes down its gonna come down hard.

So I guess I start from...my last post.

Manny was mad at me. We we were mad at eachother. Over a stupid little money issue. It wasn't even rent, it was a late payment. Late because I'd moved in just a few minutes too late on the fifth of August. In any case, he's not mad at me anymore. However he's found a new roommate and isn't going to stay here. I have the option of staying and putting myself on the lease, but with a 595$ a month rent, there's no way in hell I can. I've either got until the 25th of this month or the 15th of next month, which is when he's moving out. We still have to talk about that part. But it doesn't matter cause either way I don't have a place to go.

I haven't told Mike yet, because I know he can't help me, and I have to talk to Dad eventually about it 'cause I have to have him help me get stuff in to storage, but I know he won't take me in. I'm on with two temp agencies, but the soonest I can start a job is October 5th. If anything, it'll give me something to save up with.

But...my options are pretty much the bottom of the barrel. The streets or a shelter, and I'd prefer a shelter at this point. Of course this means I'm giving up alot. I can't bring a ton of shit with me, and the computer, of course, will go in to storage. I can still go to the library, but...

Well to me its not the same. I've grown comfortable in this little world I made a niche for myself in two years ago. I like being on Furc and Gaia and having my LJ and my website and my messengers. I like being with my friends here and...

to be perfectly honest I'm scared. Petrified. I'm trying so, so fucking hard to keep myself optomistic, keep smiling and keep saying 'I'll be fine', but its become more to comfort those worried about me then anything else. Its not doing a whole lot for me. I'm sick, I'm stressed, and I can't sleep because I lay there at night wondering how the hell this all happened. All my life I've been struggling to crawl my way out of poverty and the crap that keeps getting piled on me and suddenly I've been struck with an anvil and I'm at rock fucking bottom.

And...I'm really not sure what else to say. I've got a while yet, so I'm not gonna sit here with the teary 'I may never come back' goodbyes...

I suppose I just wanted to let everyone know.

Oh, PS, Mike's canceling my cell phone since I can't use it anymore. So anyone who has the number, ignore it. Its not mine anymore. o.o;