...

Its self preservation.

I act like it didn't happen. Take the blankets off the couch, move the TV and the DVD player. Don't look at the empty living room devoid of life.

Act like this is the way its always been.

Don't aknowlage the facts until they're staring me down and I can't see the sky anymore.

Its self preservation.

The only way I know how to deal.

I talk about it like its not real. That it didn't happen to me. It happened to some one else, but I use a first person narrative.

Its self preservation.

Like telling a story, hiding it a game. I don't look at the stuff, I don't clean and I don't cook.

I make it so all I have to do is be in my little fantasy world, and it all goes away.

Its self preservation...
that's killing me.

But I don't know how else to live...

I want to stop crying.

I don't want to be depressed anymore.

But the painful reminders are all around.

Stuck between protecting my own fragile heart and still being slapped with reality.


I want to fall...

fall...


away...


forever...