A day in my life, and realizations before teenage hood ends...

Me walking over to the cage on the way to lunch...
"Hey Richard! Where's Nathan?"
Richard walks over from behind one of the processor racks, "He's over at the copier. Would you just ask him to a movie and get it over with?!"
"WHAT?! Dude, I am -NOT- that obvious, Rich!"
"Yes you are!"
I grumble and start to walk off. Richard comes over to the fence.
"Hey, let me tell you something! You and half the women in this place are that obvious. So don't take it personally."
I walk back over, sighing, "Me and half the women? So in other words, I don't have a chance, right?"
Richard goes to the computer, nodding, "Yup..."
I pause for a long moment before finally calling out, "Yeah...thanks Richard, appricate it.." and walk off to go to lunch. I stop and talk to Nathan and David at the copier, but I put on a fake smile through it all and go mope in the cafe over lunch. My heart basically hit my stomach and never came back out. That stupid little hope that I had was MY hope, my thing to cling to. But unknowingly, Richard dashed it. I know he really didn't mean anything by it, just telling me the truth...but it hurt more then he knew...
I talked to Nathan later on, but never told him exactly why I'd been so mopey...He offered a friendly ear but we didn't have time. So I said I would call him after I got off my shift.
What am I supposed to tell him? 5 minutes...and I'm supposed to call...
*sighs*
I hate this. I hate the fact that I even let myself get a crush on him. I hate myself for clinging to him at all...
Love is shit...it just is..