If y'all haven't heard, Portland is in the grips of a rather bad icestorm. The stormfront moved in about Monday night, and didn't leave until Tuseday. There's possibly another one coming in, but that really doesn't matter. Its just gonna make the roads even more like streight sheets of ice...
Because of this, I got to be my own department supervisor today because I was the only person in CR/Telesales. Luckily, I didn't have to do the Telesales part. Just delt with ALOT of rebates.
Hopefully some one actually makes it tomorrow...
But...that's not why I'm posting. Because even I'm starting to not care about what happens in my life.
Its more about why I have such a strange title...
Since about last week sometime, durring all the...eh...lets just say bickering, to keep it as light as possible. >.>; Anyway, durring that time, I started to slip further and further back in to my depression. I was..hurt to say the least that no one in the middle of all that took the time to think about the ones caught in the cross fire. The ones who were watching thier friends destroy one another over whatever, and couldn't do a damn thing about it simply because they were trying so hard to remain nutural. But...its all over now, right? Everything's gone back to normal, yadda yadda...
Except for me...
Since the days preceeding my father's abuse, and the time at KYDC, I've done nothing but let my emotions play on my sleeve, for fear of bottling them up. For this, I wound up having alot of really really easy buttons pushed, to the point where people who didn't even know me could get my hackles rasied in just an instant. I'm am...or was...an emotional, uptight person who would jump at the slightest thing.
Something in me snapped last week...and although I'm sure there's no way to blame it soley on what was happening in HoggyC, I found that it manged to conviently do so right around the time all that was going on. The door to my mind, my emotions, was still open, as it always had been. But...I wasn't there anymore. People could have kept pushing the same buttons as they always did, but be damned if I ever actually felt them...
I dunno if this is temporary or permannte...I just know that the transition I've been going through since highschool is clearly coming to a close. I'm a different person now, and some of those changes have been so completely subtle...and so ghastly drastic.
I'm not scared of it anymore...Even if I never come back to the room with the door, I still know -who- I am, even if I don't know where my heart lies anymore. I'm still a friend, a sister, a lover, a fighter, an artist, a writer, a worker...I'm still Jeni.
Just...maybe now I can learn how to deal with the rest of the world...
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