(no subject)

[jenioctavia]

So this is what happened.

I was attempting to reinstall some stuff I needed for school, namely Raptor SmallBASIC and, because the system restore returned it to the crappy 30 day trial, Microsoft Office. As I was doing these things, I suddenly got a message. 'Your system is low on space. Please remove some files in order to install this product.'

My response was a bit 'wtf' because I have a MASSIVE hard drive in this thing. I went in to 'ohgod there'e something NEW wrong' mode, but quickly went in and ditched the HP Game Suite that came with the restore as well as some other programs I wasn't using. Checked my hard drive. I only had 6GB left of space. Continued wtf-ing because that just didn't make sense. If I'd removed everything, wouldn't my used space be tiny? especially if I'd only grabbed some 20GB of music so far?

Well I thought, mainly because I was tired, it was an issue of compression and maybe left over files. I was getting irritated at it so I set it to clean up the left over crap, which barely did anything, then set it to defrag and went to bed.

I woke up at around 6ish to go to the bathroom and checked on it. "You need at least 15% hard drive space to perform this option. There is only 2% available. Please remove files before de-fragmenting."

Again. What the -fuck-.

But then it dawns on me in some sort of weird half awake state. If I downloaded 20GB of music and added it to the massive amount that I had before, plus all the videos, pictures, and everything else, PLUS whatever was put back on the computer and everything that I've installed SINCE then...

that would make roughly 200GB of space, wouldn't it? Which would mean...

My stuff exists SOMEWHERE on this hard drive. It was only the folder that was removed from the desktop! I mean, long shot, but I give it a try and search for "We Are One" which was a song from Kelly Sweet and an album I hadn't re-downloaded yet. If I was right, it would still be somewhere on the hard drive, right?

Lo and behold, it was there, and when I went up I found the folder sitting in another section of the computer, nothing gone, nothing missing. I'm convinced it was a damn miracle or something!

But in all seriousness this is probably one of the better things that's happened to me in a while. I've been so stressed and trying so hard to just keep it to myself because I know other people are dealing with their own shit. It's not making me the most personable person right now, though. I've been pretty verbally quiet, not exactly in the mood for conversation, and I've definitely snapped at people who really didn't deserve it.


Getting sick started it, getting me behind in school made it worse, STAYING sick with the coughing added to my crabbiness, and having my computer crash was almost what drove me over the edge. And apparently I either haven't slept well or was just exhausted from the entire thing to begin with because by Thursday all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep for hours.

What DID drive me over the edge, in my horribly frazzled state, was thinking that I lost my art case with all my paints and expensive supplies. I hadn't recalled taking it out of my bag between Thursday and Saturday (but apparently I DID) and when it wasn't in the immediate area of my desk and bag, I freaked out. I was -sobbing- because I thought that not only had I lost it all, I'd have to replace all those supplies. That's some 200+ dollars worth of art bits, including a 21 dollar Speedball Roller I JUST bought this last week for our stamp project in color. I only have some 800-700 dollars to get me through til next term since I paid mom three months rent up front and repaid some of what I owed her from the summer. To replace all that would have left me with hardly anything.

It was very much a last straw moment, and I was gone for the rest of the day. I DID find the case, it was under some clothes in a hamper in a really strange space, but then after that we were going to go to the store and I couldn't find my iPod despite KNOWING I had it. When we got to the store I couldn't find my card for a minute, only to realize it was tucked and kind of stuck underneath another card in my wallet. The iPod thing persisted and I only found it after I checked my FMA bag for about the fourth time and realized it was in one of the zipped pouches that I swore I'd checked. I was just -that- frazzled. And there's been other things, but I'm going to refrain from getting in to them.

Most of the week I just tried to focus on RPing and school work in some hopes that maybe I wouldn't completely snap. Figuring out you're basically failing classes four weeks in because you caught a death cold TWO weeks in isn't really the most pleasant experience in the world. It's not like student aid will give me a second chance on this if I screw up. Buuuut that's neither here nor there.

Considering what happened this morning, I've woken up feeling far better than I have in weeks. Strange that figuring out a computer issue will help in that. I guess it's just a relief to know that these past couple crappy weeks haven't been entirely in vain. And its a sign things will get better.

I still have things to do, but I feel like I can actually DO them now. My grades won't be wonderful (hurr when have they EVER been?) but I can get them up and get to where I need to be and not fail.

I know, I know I haven't been on my best behavior as of late. Keeping it in only made it worse, but I was afraid that if I just kept complaining it would sound like I wasn't doing anything to take care of it and that I was just complaining for the sake of complaining. I hate coming off like that, so I did the stupid thing and shoved it all inside in some crazy hope that it would all work out on it's own and I would be okay emotionally. The latter was true, sure, but it caused more trouble than it was worth.

Either way, it was dumb of me, and to anyone I did upset during that time, I'm sorry. Feel free to punch me or something. I deserve it.

I guess that's it, though.

Oh. Well. Not entirely.

I'm sorry established Dive couplings:

I ship it.

NOW that is all.

Comments

[calisasilvertai.livejournal.com]

Being sick is probably why you wanted to sleep all of the time. And being tired is probably a big reason you were missing/not finding things. And being stressed out about those things was probably not helping you get over being sick. It's a viscous cycle. I sure hope this is a sign that things are getting better for you, and I'm sure glad you're starting to feel better!

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

Probably, yeah. It was just a shitty time all around.

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

I'm still not happy about being ignored by you when I was doing my own complaining the other day. Yeah, maybe it wasn't the best thing to hear, and maybe I was complaining for the sake of it, but it hurts to be ignored by someone you care about when you've had a horrible day. or two.

Glad you found everything, though.

And I ship it.

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

It's totally shippable.

I get that. One thing in my defense, though? Anything I would have/could have said likely would have come off as bitchy. Not just because I was feeling so worn down and horrid, but because it kind of felt like you were trying to start a pissing contest just because I mentioned I got up at 7. I know now that probably wasn't the case, but right then that's how it felt.

But I am sorry that I ignored you.

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

That wasn't the case at all. I try really hard not to complain, and if I do anyway, then, well, fuck it, I'm sorry. But when I DO complain ... mrgh.

I wasn't happy. I'm a little better now, but I'm still not happy. And I don't like that one of the people I'd HOPE would put up with my bitching ignored me when I was. If I'm totally wrong about that, then fine, I won't expect anything, but fuck it all, it hurt. I still want to scream at you for it, and I know I'm probably not justified to do so in the least.

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

Well... we can at least agree that we were both having a horrible time. I was trying to keep it in, you were trying to get it out, and in the end it just became a big huge mess. If I'd been honest that I wasn't feeling all that great at least then you would have known, but it was my fault for attempting to 'deal with it' on my own. I think we both have a bad habit of that.

I don't want you to be angry at me and I want to stop being upset about this whole thing. I'm not sure what else I can say about it besides "I'm sorry".

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

><; It just hurt. I'll get over it.

In the meantime:

shipping.

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

...ohhohh... that's hot. That's really, really hot.

... can I make it up to you with art? ;.;

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

♥♥ Art is a nice bonus~

and now I really wanna play out a Gaku/Miku relationship. GDIT. IT'S SO HOT.

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

... Dressingroom? 8D

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

8D Well, vocaloidressing could use some more activity~

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

Indeed it could! And I've never used Gaku there.

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm~ I'd feel inclined to make another Miku account, which isn't too much of a problem. I just feel kinda weird if canhasleekplz, who is with roadrollered, suddenly got with imitation_black in a dressing room setting ...

And then since leekspinny might be hooking up with merines_guard in 8_dressing, I kinda wanna leave her open.

Augh, me and my weird. [has no problem making another Miku account for this, obviously]

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

I could too, actually, since Dive Gaku is with Dive Luka. Plus I only came up with imitation_black because I couldn't think of a better name at the time. There IS an Imitation Black Len in the DR, so it would be kind of odd to come in to the DR with that name and not have him be the actual PV version.

So. New journals y/n/pie?

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

new journals and Gaku/Miku, y/pie.

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

PIE!

Also Miku/Walter. <3

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

I MADE SOME IN CLASS LAST WEEK.

THEY'RE SO CUTE AND WE DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED. D: She wore him down with adorable. Well, in IM. In infinity, they really haven't done much other than Wally comforting her when she had a bad dream about disappearance, since I was watching one too many PVs of Disappearance of Hatsune Miku at the time. :D;;; w-whoops.

Also, I'm totally tempted to make a Higo Sai!Miku and punt her into VocaDR.

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

Doeeeet. I need to make me Higo girls. And guy.

Wally is wonderful. I think Rina may actually be breaking him. But he's kind of breaking Rina so it all works out!

[tacos-of-doom.livejournal.com]

I have my higo girls ... but not a higo miku.

Oh, I found a cute Teto song~

I do love me some Walter. He's sexy and snarky. |D

[jenioctavia.livejournal.com]

God he is. <3

*hugs*

[shayachern.livejournal.com]

Hope all is well hon. I know we haven't talked in a while, and while I'm terrible at responding to any posts, I do keep up on them. Maybe you should do a cleansing of your residence? Sounds like you have some brownies or something that are hiding things. In your frazzled mental state, it would be that much easier. But otherwise, it sounds like things are looking up. Love and light to you, and keep your head up about the grades thing. It'll all work out the way it's supposed to. :)